


Regret

by dontletyourheartdistractyou



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, I feel really bad for writing this, Minor Allison Argent/Kira Yukimura, Minor Isaac Lahey/Scott McCall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-08
Updated: 2015-04-08
Packaged: 2018-03-21 23:05:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3706967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontletyourheartdistractyou/pseuds/dontletyourheartdistractyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>God, she's such a liar.</p><p>AKA</p><p>Lydia's true feelings about Stiles Stilinski.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Regret

**Author's Note:**

> Yay, Stydia fic. Honestly I love these two's dynamic in season 3, and I'm happy to have finally wrote a fic for them.
> 
> Originally this fic did have a happy ending, but I decided against it because I couldn't be bothered to write anymore. You can imagine a better ending yourself if you want to.
> 
> Hopefully my next fic will be Sterek because I've wanted to write some for ages, but I never really had the inspiration.
> 
> Edit: Forgot to mention that this takes place after season 3b, but acts as if Erica, Boyd and Allison never died and as if season 4 and Malia never exists.
> 
> Warning(s): Nothing really.

It's not like she cares about him.

It's not like she wants to run her hands through that soft, silky hair, and stare up into those large doe eyes. It's not like she wants to gather him up in her arms and curl around him, whispering sweet nothings in his ear. It's not like she wants to link their hands together, brush his knuckles with gentle kisses. No, she doesn't.

God, she's such a liar.

-

She's known since the beginning. 

His eyes, brown and loving, shining with adoration. Lips curved in a happy smile, corners turning whenever he looks at her. Passionate words tumbling out of his mouth, words filled with admiration and tenderness. That's how he looks and sounds when he's with her.

She tells herself shouldn't feel her heart throb when she sees how devoted he is to her. That doesn't stop her.

-

He's so beautiful.

It's not just in his looks, with those big eyes and the constellations of moles decorating his cheeks, no, it's his personality as well. Fumbling, tumbling over himself; loud, witty comments escaping his lips; care and compassion in his veins. He's so smart, so pretty, so alert, so understanding. He's cherishes with affection, he hates with venom. He's not perfect, but he feels close to it.

She's not supposed to love everything about him, to think of him like this, but she can't help herself.

-

She can't stop staring.

Ever since Jackson left, she can gaze freely. She can connect the dots on his cheeks without someone noticing her longing. She can ponder about every emotion she can see in those amber eyes. She can trail her eyes over his body, from that button nose to those long fingers. She can just look, and see him fully. She can see every action, the awkward movement of his limbs, the crinkle of his nose, the curling of his lip.

And through this, she can remember everything, can paint a picture of him in her mind, can see him when she needs to be uplifted. It scares her to think that just a memory of this boy can do that to her, but she's gotten used to it by now.

-

She needs him in her arms.

She needs to strike away that sad look on his scrunched up face, needs to wrap him up and shield him from the image of his best friend, walking away hand in hand with Isaac. She needs to brush away those almost tears, cover his eyes and hold him close, as Allison glides down the hall, arm thrown around Kira's waist. She needs to hide him away from their happiness, show him that she knows, she gets it, understands how he feels after everything that has happened.

She wants to reach over and take his hand in her own, but she pushes that part of her away, even as the shiny eyes staring at the ground start to overfill with water, as the water leaves tracks down his cheeks. Instead, she walks away, and throws herself to the guilt overrunning her. 

-

He looks after her.

On a particularly hard night, when her feelings catch up with her, he's the one she calls, the one she pours her heart out to. Not Allison. Him.

She whispers at the end that they're similar, but she can hear the lie, because she could never know the loneliness he feels, the isolation he is so used to.

When the calls finishes, she cries herself to sleep with the knowledge that him and her could never be the same, because he's strong, willing to look after he ever when he's falling apart, while she's weak, a girl who can only admit her feelings to herself, who will not allow herself to ever show the love inside of her. It plagues her in her nightmares, and when she awakens she does so with the feeling that everything is wrong.

-

He's leaving.

She can't believe it. She knows why, but she still can't. Because it's Stiles, and Stiles is a constant, someone whose always there no matter what, but that's maybe why he's leaving, because he's always their constant, but no one is ever his. No one ever looks after him. No one ever cares for him. And the guilt from the hallway comes rushing back, ten times worse, and she can't help but think, maybe if she'd stayed...

But nothing will help now. He's already made up his mind.

-

She's not sure what she's doing.

She's used to watching from afar, from walking away from him, but the moment he says he's leaving, she can't stop herself. She shouldn't be doing this, but here she is.

Her lips are pressed to his, harsh, demanding, her grip on his arms tight. He doesn't respond, just stands there, shocked still, but she can feel him relax in her hold slightly so she keeps attached until she can't breathe no longer.

"Please stay," she whispers against his lips, and she can see the hope in his eyes die, brown narrowing, because she knows he thinks that she's playing with his emotions just so he won't go. But he doesn't fight back when she drags him to her bed and wraps her arms around him. She keeps him pressed against her, trapping him in her arms. She doesn't want him to go; she never wants him to leave.

She wakes up and he's gone, Jeep no longer in the driveway, his signature red hoodie slung over her chair, and she sobs in to it, realising he did keep her request. He gave her one night. 

It's a night she'll never forget.

-

It's been five years.

It's never been the same since that night. The glue that held them together was gone. Derek was moodier than ever, hardly seen by his pack. Erica and Boyd left for New York, catwoman broken by the loss of her batman. Scott and Isaac worked their sorrows away at a diner they had opened, which they dedicated to their lost packmate. Allison married Kira, and they kept a spare seat, hoping that their friend would show up. He didn't.

John Stilinski was still the Sheriff, but broken by the loss of his son. He spent his nights drowning himself in his own sorrows, comforted by Melissa, but nothing could help the pain he still felt.

Then, there was Lydia. The girl who once hated Stiles Stilinski with every part of her body, the woman who now cried herself to sleep in his jacket. She never got over her guilt, the feeling eating away at her. Her job as a teacher barely distracted her enough. She kept a picture of him everywhere she could; at her desk, in her purse. She promised to herself that she would never forget that boy.

She never did.


End file.
